President William Ruto has finally realized that you can’t run a regional bloc on “vibes and Inshallah.” He’s called for an emergency summit in Arusha this March because the East African Community (EAC) is currently gasping for air, thanks to a staggering $89.3 million debt owed by member states. It’s been over a year since the big bosses met, and in that time, the “community” has turned into a high-stakes game of hide-and-seek where everyone is hiding from the bill.

The list of offenders reads like a “Who’s Who” of regional deadbeats. The Democratic Republic of Congo, our newest family member, hasn’t paid a single cent since joining, sitting on a $27 million tab. South Sudan is trailing closely with $21 million in arrears. Only Kenya and Tanzania are playing the role of the responsible adults, paying their full $7 million dues while everyone else treats the treaty like a suggestion. It’s the classic Nairobi story - you invite friends for a “plot,” and when the bill comes, half of them are suddenly “having network issues” with their M-Pesa.

The situation has become so pathetic that EALA MPs - who earn a cool $7,000 a month - haven’t seen a salary since November. Imagine the tragedy: honorable members are actually being hounded by KCB Bank over unpaid loans. While some Kenyans are out here learning how to make money from TikTok Live just to survive, these MPs are realizing that “regional integration” doesn’t put food on the table when your neighbors are broke. The Clerk of the Assembly is basically sending “please call me” memos to member states, begging for the 38% of the budget that actually exists.

It’s not just the politicians feeling the pinch. The Inter-University Council is owed $18 million, and the Lake Victoria Fisheries Organisation is stalling. We are talking about “operational paralysis” and potential lawsuits. Cabinet Secretary Beatrice Askul says the Presidents need to “pronounce themselves” on the matter. In Nairobi terms, that’s just fancy talk for “we need to sit them down and ask them why they are embarrassing us.”

Ruto expects all eight heads of state to show up in Arusha, but don’t hold your breath for a miracle. We’ve seen these summits before; they involve a lot of expensive suits, forced smiles, and “joint communiqués” that aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on. Unless these leaders find a way to squeeze blood from a stone, the EAC is just a fancy club where the members are too broke to buy a round of drinks. Welcome to the neighborhood - where the gates are open, but the lights are definitely about to be turned off.