TITLE: The Addis Theatre and Runda Bubbles: Same Script, Different Stage DESCRIPTION: Don’t be fooled by the smiles in Addis Ababa; while the elites play at Pan-Africanism, they’re building walls higher back home to keep you out of the “New Kenya.” IMAGE_CAPTION: Two presidents, one club, and a billion-dollar bill left on the Kenyan taxpayer’s table. CATEGORY: Politics TAGS: #Handshake2.0 #LuxuryApartments #NairobiRealist IMAGE_KEYWORD: Handshake

If you think that photo of Ruto and Uhuru in Addis Ababa means the “hustler” and the “dynasty” have finally buried the hatchet for your benefit, I have a bridge in Mai Mahiu to sell you. In the posh corridors of the AU, these two are performing a masterclass in elite survival. While their supporters are busy tearing each other apart on Twitter over 2027, the bosses are sharing jokes and “conferring” on institutional reforms. It’s a classic Nairobi magic trick: look at the diplomatic unity in Ethiopia so you don’t notice the price of unga back in the 254.

Ruto wants a $1 billion AU Peace Fund to “wean the continent off donor funding.” Translation? He wants more of our taxes to fund continental adventures while the domestic economy is on life support. Meanwhile, Uhuru is playing the “facilitator,” looking every bit the elder statesman who forgot the “betrayals” of the last election cycle the moment he stepped onto a private jet. It’s a Rorschach test, alright - one where the ink always looks like a middle finger to the common mwananchi.

And while they discuss “one voice” for Africa, the physical manifestation of this elite unity is cropping up on Kwaheri Road. Enter “37 by INEZA,” another low-density luxury bunker for the people who think Runda is getting too crowded. Five-bedroom townhouses, all-ensuite, with padel courts and heated pools. It’s the perfect place to hide from the reality of a country where buildings in South C collapse because someone cut corners on cement.

This is the “lifestyle of intention” the brochure talks about - the intention to live in a verdant bubble where you never have to see a pothole or a protest. It’s funny how the developers talk about “space to breathe” and “room to grow” when most of Nairobi is gasping for air under the weight of debt and “nusu mkate” politics. These 37 units are the rewards for those who play the game well, the same game being played in the AU headquarters.

We’ve seen this movie before. Whether it’s the diplomatic “unified spear” in Addis or the “enduring value” of a townhouse off Kiambu Road, the message is the same: the 1% are doing just fine. They speak with “two Kenyan accents” abroad, but back home, they both speak the language of the landlord. As I’ve said before, Ruto Cannot Make Kenya Singapore, no matter how many AU summits he attends or how many luxury clubhouses get built behind Runda.

In the end, the Addis handshake is just a PR wrap for the same old story. One man’s “institutional reform” is another man’s “higher VAT,” and while they toast to “African solutions,” the only solution they’ve found for Kenyans is to build gated communities with full security infrastructure to keep the “solutions” from knocking on their front doors. Keep your eyes on your wallet, Nairobi; the theatre is expensive, and you’re the one paying for the tickets.