In Nairobi, we are used to being played. It’s practically the national sport. But seeing Coles in Australia get dragged to court for fake discounts feels like watching a long-lost cousin finally get caught stealing from the church offering. That “Down Down” sticker they use is just a polite way of saying “Hold my beer while I fleece you.” It’s the exact same script we saw with Carrefour getting slapped with a Sh1.1 billion fine right here in the 254 for abusing buyer power.

The math is simple and disgusting. You hike the price on Monday, wait until Friday, drop it by five bob, and slap a bright yellow “Special Offer” sticker on it. It’s psychological warfare against people who are just trying to buy unga without crying. The ACCC is finally calling it what it is: a scam. In Kenya, we call it a Tuesday afternoon at the mall. Retailers think we’re too tired or too math-illiterate to notice that the “discounted” price is actually higher than it was a month ago.

The Competition Authority of Kenya (CAK) might be flexing its muscles against these retail bullies who crush local suppliers, but the consumer is still the one walking into a trap. These “illusory discounts” are a global pandemic. We’re being led like sheep into “Mega Sales” where the only thing being truly discounted is the truth. Regulators are finally using data forensics to track these price histories, but until they start throwing CEOs in the back of a police Land Rover, nothing will change.

This is why I tell people to stop chasing “bargains” and start looking for actual value. If you’re tired of eating factory-grade sawdust disguised as jam, look at Mandu Gourmet. This is produce that actually went to finishing school. It’s a premium, woman-led brand that isn’t trying to trick you with a yellow sticker. Their fiery Caribbean-style hot sauce actually contains habanero heat and fresh lime, not just chemical fillers and hope. It’s built for export-quality shelves because they know that once you go premium, you stop falling for the supermarket’s mathematical sleight of hand.

The era of opaque pricing is supposedly ending, but don’t hold your breath. As long as there are desperate shoppers and ink for the label printers, the retail duopolies will keep lying to your face. We’re all masking something - just like how “Fear Women” memes are actually masking a deep crisis among Kenyan men. Supermarkets are just masking their greed with “Value” stickers. Next time you see a discount, look closer. You’re not saving money; you’re just subsidizing their next legal fee.