Look, let’s be real for a second. I was sitting at a base in Rongai the other day, sipping some cheap tea because, honestly, who can afford Starbucks in this economy? My boy Jomo shows me his M-Pesa balance, zero. This guy has a degree in engineering, but he’s spending his days dodging kanjo and trying to flip second-hand phones just to eat. That’s the “Kenyan Dream” Ruto sold us. A nightmare wrapped in a yellow plastic bag.

Anyway, the thing is, if you still believe that “Hustler” narrative, you’re either high on some very bad mogoka or you’re one of those paid Twitter bots living in a bedsitter in Roysambu. It’s 2026, and the air in Nairobi doesn’t just smell like dust anymore, it smells like betrayal and stale teargas.

We really thought we were doing something in 2024, didn’t we? We went to the streets, Gen Z showed up with nothing but smartphones and vibes, and for a minute, the big men in State House were shaking. But look at us now. Kimetulamba.

Zakayo, and yeah, I’m calling him that because that man loves our taxes more than he loves his own kids, has turned this whole country into a personal ATM for the IMF. Every time he hops on that private jet (which, by the way, costs more than your entire neighborhood’s net worth), he isn’t “negotiating.” He’s selling us. Piece by piece. To the highest bidder. One day we’ll wake up and find out even the air over Mt. Kenya has been leased to some billionaire in Dubai for 99 years.

And don’t even get me started on the Adani bullshit or that SHIF nonsense. You go to a public hospital, there’s no Panadol, the nurses are on strike, but some guy in a tailored suit just bought a fourth SUV with money meant for oxygen tanks. It’s ujambazi in broad daylight. Pure thuggery. They don’t care if you die. In fact, if you die, they’ll probably find a way to tax your funeral.

The Housing Levy? Please. That’s just a fancy way of saying “Give us money so we can build houses you’ll never afford and then give the contracts to our cousins.” It’s a scam, buda. A total, 100% organic, grass-fed scam.

And where’s the opposition? Baba found a nice warm seat at the AU and suddenly the “Enigma” is quiet. He traded his mandamano boots for some Italian leather shoes and left the rest of us hanging, then decided to die before taking us to Canaan! That’s the problem with Kenyan politics, it’s just one big club, and you and I? We aren’t invited. They fight on camera, then go share nyama choma and laugh about how easy it is to trigger us with tribal nonsense.

Look across the border, it’s the same old story. Museveni is out there acting like Uganda is his family ranch, grooming his son like it’s some Netflix series about medieval kings. And Kagame? Cool, the streets are clean, but try opening your mouth to complain and see how fast you disappear. Africa is being run by a bunch of “Old Lions” who lost their teeth decades ago but still love the taste of blood.

The truth is, 2027 is going to be a bloodbath. Not because of “democracy,” but because people are hungry. And a hungry person doesn’t care about manifestos. Ruto knows he’s lost the ground, so what’s he going to do? Buy everyone. He’ll use the same money he stole from your salary to buy your vote with a yellow T-shirt and a kilo of sugar.

And if you protest? They’ll send the boys in green to “disappear” you. We saw it in 2024. Bodies in quarries. Kids being snatched from the streets. That’s the “Bottom-Up” transformation they promised, starting from the bottom of a mass grave and working their way up.

Honestly, the whole “Africa Rising” thing is a lie. Africa isn’t rising; it’s being stripped for parts. Our leaders are just middle-managers for neo-colonialists. They make sure the interest on the debt is paid while the mwananchi sleeps on an empty stomach.

So, look. Stop being polite. Being polite is for people who have food in their fridge. We need to stop asking “Which tribe is he?” and start asking “Where did the billions go?”

If we don’t break the system, the system is going to finish us. Kenya is bleeding, man. And the guys holding the knives are the ones we sang for during the last election. What a fucking joke. Seriously. Kwenda huko.